Gloomy Sunday

I'm finally doing something to benefit myself. First I'm sorry to Maly for disappearing for a week or so, I needed some time to think, I was getting overwhelmed, but I'm all good now :)

Secondly I'm leaving my house for a week. I'm actually proud of myself that I could go up to my mum and say "I'm staying at Steve's house next week if I'm working or not because I need a break. I'm sick of you yelling at me every day."

In other news I've got a job. It's only until Christmas, well it might actually only be until Saturday, but at least I'm getting some money now. I sell jewellery at a stall in one of my local shopping centres. I get ten bucks an hour which isn't too bad I suppose.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas already. Holy. Shit. It's probably because we didn't really have much of a Spring it was more like three extra months of Winter. I really wish we did have more of a Spring though, I would have loved to take some nice photos before everything dries up again. Well I guess that won't happen now will it.

Trainwreck

My mother has quit her job.

We now have no money.

With Christmas around the corner we are hoping that we can survive.

My mother sometimes acts before she really thinks things through, did she really think that we can survive with no money? We struggle enough from pay check to pay check, what's going to happen now that we have no pay check?

She told me to get a job.

I am only 15 I can't support myself and study.

She made a mistake, one that she can't take back.

She was being selfish, with only herself in mind, she forgot about us.

I have nothing to look forward too this Christmas, a sad, hungry household getting sympathetic looks from other family members, oh the joy.

Never Loved A Man

Men.

These little mysterious creatures that draw women in, then cut out their heart and throw it on the floor. In some circumstances it isn't always the man's fault, sometimes it's the woman that pulls her heart out of her chest and willingly gives it to the man.

"I want a gentleman who treats me like a queen"

Pretty much every girl out there has this 'perfect' idea of a boyfriend or they just don't realise what a prick a guy is until it's too late. At times like this you need good friends, friends that tell you the truth no matter how much it might hurt. I think some girls are really a lost cause though. They get with a guy, he is exactly what they needed at that time. He changes, she changes, life happens, things change dramatically, but that girl is still trying to hold onto the idea of this 'perfect' guy.

"I want you to want me"

Now on the other hand, it's the boy who fucks with the girl. He pretends to be kind and nice, he puts on a façade that everyone believes. He then reels a poor, oblivious girl into his clutches and makes her fall for him. This is the majority of men at my school are like. They flirt, they tease but underneath that they are horrible heart stealing creatures. These are the boys that every girl need to look for and also they need to identify the signs of these creatures.

"Since I've been loving you, I'm about to lose my worried mind"

So before you decide to fall in love with a boy, remember he might be a heart stealing creature and that yes, you can/will get your heart broken.

Cold

The coldness seeps into my bones

And fills my body with despair

I’m waiting here,

Waiting for a change in this weather

Waiting for the warmth to find me again

My cheeks burn from the icy wind

My body shakes in a feeble attempt to stay warm

As my icy world slowly falls apart

The wind slows

The ice cracks with massive booms

And those rays of light I’ve been longing for appear

The sun bathes me in its warmth once again.

Welcome to My Truth

-Dreams

The things we imagine might happen, what we want to happen, the things we set as our life goals.

They are also things created by our imagination, they give us hope and inspiration.

-Hope

A feeling that is severly overused. I say why put so much hope into something, when it is destined to fail, why set yourself up to be hurt?

-Imagination

A truly magical, lovely thing this is. It helps create nightmares and fears but it also helps create stories, poems, lyrics, music, pictures, all things good in this world.

P.S In case no one has noticed all my titles for my posts are names of songs..

To the Moon & Back

Lonely Moon

As the sun disappears into the sea the night awakens

The moon’s piercing light penetrates through the clouds

Illuminates the earth below

But the moon is lonely

All up there in the big night sky

Sure it has the stars but,

It is the only one.

It has nothing to compare itself to

Does it wonder if it’s doing its job right?

Does it wonder about how bright it shines?

Does it wonder if it is the right size?

Wouldn’t it be lovely being the only one?

Having nothing to compare yourself with?

The moon is lonely

But it’s happy to be that way.

Everything Ends

I can write so many beginnings but hardly any endings. Even as a child I was always prone to writing very sudden endings to any written assignments for class. I don’t know why this is, I can write a perfect beginning, an action packed middle, but just no ending. I can imagine the whole story/poem/recount in my mind but I just can’t grasp the words to finish it off. Sure I can kill the characters off, but most times I just give up. I just keep writing until I can't write any more.

Gift of a friend.

I can't remember the last time I was at this place. In this room with these people.

I do know it was when I was young and innocent.

I do know it was when I was happy with school.

I do know that I knew a lot less and was completely naive about the world around me.

Was the last time when we were jumping around, yelling and screaming to the now 'old' music, mascara and eye liner staining our clean rosy skin. When we were such great friends, no one could get between us, before we stopped talking, stopped communicating with each other. Nothing actually occurred to make this happen it was just us. Sure you can blame it on all going to different schools, but none of us tried to keep our friendship alive, none of us tried to keep that connection.

That night we talked like nothing had changed. We each shared our problems, leant on each other. Talked about boys and troublesome friends, jealous girlfriends, bitchy girls. We parted with a hug and a promise to catch up on Facebook.

Don't Stop Believing

“Belief makes things real, makes things feel, feel alright.

Belief makes things true, things like you, you and I.”

I don’t believe there is a heaven or a hell.

I don’t believe there is a God who created all.

I don’t believe that anything will ‘save’ us.

I don’t believe that I will be punished for my sins.

But I do believe in myself, my strength, my will, my sense of reality, my emotions. I believe in you. I believe that if you try to get somewhere, do something that eventually, if you persist at it, you will achieve your goal, if you set something in your mind whatever that may be, it can be achieved.

Sunshine of your love

Love lives in all of us.

We love our pets, our families, our friends, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our books, our schools, our cars; really you can find love in everything. But because we love it does that mean we have to trust it? Sure trust and love should go hand in hand, but most of the time they don’t. If you trusted people like you loved them, with all your heart and soul, no one would have any secrets. No one would keep anything to themselves or try to help themselves, they would just confide in their love. Love and trust both have different velocities. You can love and trust people to a limit and different people have different limits. There are some things that I wouldn’t want to know from my loved one, I wouldn’t want to hear their brutal honesty on every single little thing, I wouldn’t want to hear about every single one of their problems, sure it may be cruel but I wouldn’t want them to be reliant on me.

People need to live for themselves.

They need to be able to breathe on their own and do what they want without someone always looking over their shoulder. I don’t trust everyone I love, and I know other people that are the same. Maybe we are the minority, maybe we are the fucked up one’s that don’t know what trust is, we sure don’t know what love is and I don’t think anyone truly does. Everyone has their own opinion of what love is, how far the person you love can go until you realise they aren’t worth loving anymore. Some people don’t deserve love at all, well in my opinion anyway. If they can’t appreciate the person who loves them with all their heart, they don’t deserve love at all... or until they learn how to love back.

I don’t understand love at such a young age.

Children, teenagers, anyone under the age of 50, I don’t know how they can say they love each other. Children I believe can’t understand love at all, they only love their parents because they have to and their parents have only done what their animal instinct has told them, procreate and then raise the offspring. It’s the same out in Africa with the Lions, the mother raises the cubs and then they leave. Parents are only doing the same, they raise their children, and then they leave. Teenagers get confused with love and infatuation. Sure you may have strong feelings for them but you don’t know what love actually is, you are only guessing. You have not been alive long enough to grasp the concept of love, you are living a fantasy. True love takes time to accomplish. True love is accomplished when you have spent your lives together, trusting each other, raising your children, seeing your grandchildren grow and develop together, all the while learning about the other person and loving both their positive and negative qualities. Think of your grandparents, do they need to express their love to each other? Do they embrace or kiss each other goodbye? If the answer is no, like it is for my grandparents, I believe this is because they know when they get back, their love will always be there. They trust that, that special person will be there even if it’s in spirit, or their memories that they’ve shared. I hope that one day I will be like my grandparents, trusting and loving each other, respecting each other and their beliefs.

Love is a struggle, let’s face it together.

Some people are afraid to love, they are afraid to trust. I know I am, I’m afraid to trust people. I’m afraid I’ll get hurt. There is no actual reason for this, you know like for some people it’s because their parents abused them or they had a frightening childhood, thing is I didn’t. I had a normal childhood, I went on holidays, I participated in my favourite sports, I wasn’t lonely, I excelled in school, I had pets, I had parents who loved me, family members, friends. The only thing I can guess it has come from is the stories my mother told me about her abusive first husband (not my dad). Throughout my life I will learn that I can trust people, friends, family, boys, but no one should expect me to now.

Stay excellent.

Lonely Road

I remember this road.

This road brings back so many memories.

I remember counting the marks on the road as I struggled to keep my eyes open.

I remember the road markers reflecting the bright light, straight into my eyes.

I remember the giant night bugs hitting the windscreen.

I remember watching for the animals that may cause us to crash.

I remember how different this road is at night, with only the car lights shinning the way.

I remember looking at the vineyards at seeing the cars that weren't actually there.

I remember that night when we were all scared.

I remember how well they worked as a team and how proud we were to call them Mum and Dad.

I remember the relief we felt when we realised it was just a bird and the nervous laughter that followed, it was somehow off.

I remember the thrill of driving in the darkness.

I remember you.

Welcome to the Black Parade.

Hello there,

My name is Mollie. This blog is about the random spew thoughts that come out of my head. I do have many of them throughout the day, these thoughts that inspire me or make me have the urge to write. I will worn you, I am not the greatest writer out there, I do cuss.. a lot, I can not write poetry if my life depended on it and I ramble on a bit too much, but oh well we all have our faults.

Anyway, welcome to The Book of Me I hope you enjoy your time here and feel free to comment on anything, I take both positive and negative advice/comments.

Stay excellent,

Mollie.