19/12/2014

So, it is said that if you sit and write out at least one positive thing that has occurred in the past twenty-four hours then you will begin to feel happier and become a more positive person. I unfortunately have disintegrated into a very cynical, angry, tired and ruthless version of myself and will try anything to become happy again. Here goes nothing...

I have been looking at the blasted blinking cursor for thirty minutes trying to decide on my happiness. I woke up this morning and for a brief second I forgot the negative, that brief moment of pure innocence and delight is what gets me through the day. The memories of what we were and what we could have been, the regret over not sharing my last words with you, my thoughts, my prayers; they do not plague me in that moment of sleepy comfort which I enjoy every morning at 7 am, when I awake without you by my side, without you on this earth. 

But this isn't a true moment of happiness, this moment is due to the fact that my brain is in the process of shifting from dreaming of you and thinking about my our despair, which you no longer share with me. 

But now back to my positive moment, my horses eye is improving and by the looks of it, may be out of the woods to getting it removed. This fact in itself lowers my stress levels and gives my brain one less thing to have a meltdown about. It also means that she is in less pain and is on the mend so she can back to being her grumpy little self again.