Dirty little secret

You know when you meet that stranger on the beach, or the bus or talk to the customer at work and they ask about your life and you share those useless details that connect you to another human being?
I would love to lie.
I want to make up this fairytale of a life, a new name, a new occupation, life goal and identity. How cool would it be to be someone different, if only for a few minutes. You could talk about you're pretend trips to Europe where you ran a muck with yummy European boys, you're life's ambition to cure cancer, you're decision to go to South Africa to raise awareness on the importance of female contraception. I want to make  a fantastic lie which will make my life seem not so worthless.

Stress is the worst thing the human body decided to create followed by the amazing idea to make 30 percent of someone's grade dependant on a single exam.
Kill me?

Thinking is overrated

Must. Not. Get. Confused.

Now hear me out, I can't be lead. It's not humanly possible as I have major issues in every way, however what the fuck as we doing? You tell me you miss me and you want to see me, sure but then go and try to make me guess as to what has changed in you. You said we were friends, I know that, you know that and yet you're the one crossing the lines. Now it's been clarified and it's definite then I'm going to have trouble changing what my brain thinks. Do not confuse me. It's hard enough trying to deal with your mood swings let alone anything else. I know I'm strange and I have strange things wrong in my head but I can't help that.

Ugh, what am I doing...

Blehhh

I hate how my days generally start out mediocre then progressively get worse.
Take today for example, I got up early got all the stuff I needed doing, done. I got to see my school friends then successfully studied for 3 hours straight which is a rare thing for me.
Then it went down hill. I really do hate being in constant pain, it's a real downer on my mood. Of course my body failed me again in the form of my knee trying to dislocate itself for no reason, resulting in the 80 percent chance that I have broken my foot.
Oh the joy.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring better luck and hopefully a better mood.

I'm most definitely a head case

Although my confusion is still firmly in place, at least it has kinda, sorta been dealt with.

But...I finally said it, what I've been thinking for weeks and I do feel good about that. It needed to be out in open and it needed to be heard by someone, anyone and now it has.

Still.. in our meeting which I'm not sure was the best idea, I did get confused more. I finally understood and could put words as to what I was confused, angry and frustrated about in the first place but you, my dear friend did nothing to try and make it any easier.... by then confusing me some more.

I really, really don't want to know the context of the potential drunk texts coming my way this weekend.

I just have no idea what I am doing anymore...

Distance

I really do have a great skill in royally messing things up with everyone I get close to...
It's just one of those many life skills that I wish I didn't have to have.
It would be nice if I was allowed to get close to someone at some stage in my life.

Oh the joys

Someone teach me to fly

I know that I'm a head case.
My behaviour is erratic, my words hard and direct and I'm not exactly the nicest person to be around sometimes, but... that's me.
I can't change and I refuse to become this shell of a person because society asks me to be.
I'm not fake and pretentious, I'm not made of plastic or silicone, I'm a real, living, breathing person.
You can beat me and abuse me with your simple mind, but I will conquer all.
I will overcome the hurdles you place in my path with your stupid actions and absurd ideals.
I will leap and fly and soar past the patheticness of this life that I am forced to live in and become the person I want to be, not the person you want to make me.
You can't weigh me down.

I will beat this..